October 30, 2003

A Most Satisfactory Day!

My gloomy mood has pretty much lifted. I credit this not to time or to anything I was able to do through my spiritual practice. I credit this change to my brother, David. He called last night to wish me Happy Birthday. He had realized that he had missed the day. This is not unusual, and I am surprised when I hear from him on the actual date.

David is my big brother, four and one half years my senior. He was always my protector, my rescuer. When I was frightened or sad as a child, he tried to cheer me up by making funny faces in the mirror or by telling tall tales to divert my thoughts. He usually told me that things would be OK, and would go about trying to fix what was wrong.

After all, David believed that he was responsible for me being here. Or at least, that is the story that my Mother often told. Not knowing that she was already pregnant with me, David asked her for a sister. Apparently, a little boy down the street was delighted with his new baby sister, and David wanted one too. Mom said: "OK, if you really want one, but you will have to be a good big brother!"

As the story goes, after I arrived and David experienced the reality of the situation, he changed his mind, and told Mom: 'You can send her back now, I don't want her anymore". It was explained to him that that was not possible, and from then on, he pretty much accepted that I was not going anywhere. Since that was the case, I think he decided that he might just as well shoulder the responsibility, and become the BIG BROTHER!

We don't always see one another as often as we could, but something fundamental binds us together. There is a connection that is different from that of anything else in this life. We have changed over the years, and have gone our separate ways, but we shared parts of our lives that no one else has. For me, he was always there, and his place in my heart is his alone.

Well, to get on with what I was saying.... Last night David called, and we started talking. I told him what was going on with me. He listened with sympathetic understanding. He didn't try to fix anything and didn't offer any advice. What he did do was to tell me that I was loved and gave me some other warm fuzzys. After a while he laughingly said: "The good thing is that this is not real. It is an Illusion." I laughed, and said that was just what I had been trying to tell my self, as evidenced by my recent posts.

I felt better after getting off the phone with my brother last night. Later, I was moved to get up before going to sleep, to e-mail a note of thanks. I did. This morning I received a note back from him which said in Big Letters:


Thanks for the beautiful E mail

I love you.


What is pretty wonderful is that it becomes more evident as each day passes, that my brother and I are always moving in the same direction. We are simply taking slightly different pathways, which intersect, from time to time, along the trail. Thanks David, for still being my Big Brother!

Throughout my life, I have been gifted with the companionship of wonderful souls along the way. You are one of them!

Oh, and I had a great day today. But this is long enough already.

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October 29, 2003


She sits. One with the Universe.
Right hand reaching down, touching the Earth. Feeling the cool soil.
Connecting the essence of the two seemingly different entities.
Joining. Mingling. Combining. Sensing the truth.

Energy. Moving from the heart-mind, down the arm.
Through the fingers to the rich soil of the primal home.

Elemental life force surging up from the Mother Plain.
Though the hand, up the arm. To the heart and all the areas in between.

Filling the spaces drained empty and depleted by the phantasm.
Melding. Restoring the peace. The Calm.

Left hand curled up near heart. Palm open. Offering. Receiving.
Turned into gesture of giving. Holding. Sharing. Linking.
Merging with the Peace. The comfort.

The essence flows.

In truth, there was no emptiness. No loss.
No separation. No pain.
But in the illusion, in the fiction, it all seemed real.

It was a dream. A trick of the ego-mind.
The dreamer is awakening, and taking a deep breath.

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October 28, 2003

Send Rain. The Fires are still burning.

I've been In South Pas during the day the last two days. A baby-sitting emergency. Michele is in Texas. A short walk to the girl's school to walk them home. The air was better than yesterday. But it was thick and heavy. The sun was red. I had to remind the girls not to stare at it.

There are hordes of kids in their neighborhood now, and Zoe was eager to run with them. It reminded me of the way it was here when the boys were little. We had a swing set in the backyard. Our house was usually the neighborhood playground. I liked it that way.

We are situated on a quiet cul-de-sac. Perfect for bike riding and ball playing in the wide streets. We had a basketball hoop attached to the garage and a nifty garage door for handball. Snacks were available. At least those I considered healthy. Apples. Oranges. Celery with Peanut Butter and Carrot Sticks. Milk, Lemonaide, and sometimes Kool-aide. But I was suspicious of sugar, so not a lot of candy, and the peanut butter was just peanuts and salt.

On rainy days, I usually made cookies. Somehow that always made the day more fun.

But, back to today. While Zoe was running with the pack under the watchful eye of one of the neighborhood Moms, Mira came back to the house to wrap packages. She made presents for Daddy. Soon, a friend came to play. The two girls played "Let's Pretend" in the Living Room until this little girl's Dad came to bring her home for dinner.

Pizza and Hot Wings for dinner. I was lazy, and had no way to get to the market without a car, anyway. I guess that's OK.

Oh. Did you know that seven year old Zoe has her own e-mail address? I just found out this afternoon. In another year or two, I will have two more people to advise me on computer.


News Flash: Solar Flare. "The Sun hurled a huge cloud of charged particles at Earth on Tuesday, with an intensity that could affect satellites, power grids and pipelines when it reaches our planet, possibly as soon as Wednesday."

What does this mean, exactly?
Do I have to turn off my computers?
Will we be able to see a spectacular site through the smoke?
Is the world as we know it coming to an end?
I guess we'll know at about 3:00 PM tomorrow.

Unrelated Note to Self: SNAP OUT OF IT!

There are thousands in shelters now. Lives have been lost. Homes gone. Firefighters are giving it their all.

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October 27, 2003

The Illusion

I watch feel-good programs about hope and the common moral issues most of us face. Sometimes they are sappy and overly dramatic. Sometimes the acting or the writing is lacking. But, I still tune in to my favorites. I liked Touched by an Angel. And, I watch 7th Heaven. There it is! I am one of those people that hip young people laugh about. I am not embarrassed to admit it.

I am often moved by a few words or a concept being delivered. Some of the ideas presented make me think, or reconsider old assumptions. There are times I am struggling with the same issue, and something said by one of the characters helps.

I picked this up from a recent Everwood episode.

"Then comes affliction to awaken the dreamer."

There are times when we have to experience hard stuff. And, all kinds of feelings emerge. Hurt, Anger, Rage, Doubt. And, we may think: "This isn't fair!" "I don't deserve this." "He doesn't deserve this!"

Things can't always be explained by logic or reason. We really don't see the 'big picture'. Sometimes we rage against what is happening. I guess that is OK.

I think that God is OK with our doubts, our anger, our fear. It's OK to question.

We can't always understand things intellectually. Growth often comes out of pain. But it might help to know that this is not real. This whole thing is an illusion, a dream. And the bumps we feel are there to awaken the soul to what is real.

We are One with the Infinite.

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Please Stop!


I am getting more nasty Spam in the comment section of my site. Thank God I checked before I turned off the computer.

There were three in the last couple of hours. Stuff a woman of my age and generation shouldn't have to see. It is bad enough to have to deal with all this sick junk on my personal email address, but this somehow seems worse.

There ought to be a law. And a way to enforce it.

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October 26, 2003


We can’t go outside. The result of the disastrous fires in the areas surrounding LA is that the level of smoke, ash and particulate matter in the air is unhealthy. This is not helpful in lifting the gloom of my mood today.

I had hoped to get out to the house, and wander around the Old Town Torrance Street Faire that is held a few minutes away the fourth Sunday of each month. These kinds of events never fail to lift my spirit. There is something about vendors setting up booths, the sound of music, and the aroma of interesting foods being cooked for sale.

There is a kind of brightness in the smiles of people who are looking for treasures that someone else is ready to give up. Hearing conversations of people having fun, and the general atmosphere of gaiety is infective.

Not that I want or need anything. Or, want to add to the stuff I already have. But it’s still fun to find a little curiosity that will bring a smile when I look at it.

Jennifer talks about the feeling when she writes about her passion for garage sales on her blog. I share her enthusiasm for this kind of activity. Which is very contradictory, considering the time I have spent of late, trying to scale down, and unload much of the things that have taken over my space.

But, I am not going to the faire. I already feel crummy, and I don’t want to add to the effect by breathing in particulates that will make me feel worse. Even Pete doesn’t want to go outside. He said he was thinking of taking a walk, but due the conditions, he has reconsidered.

Looking at the grey orange sky from inside the house is not what I wished to do with my day. I don’t know what I wanted. But, being outside feels necessary for me to become rooted again. I wish I could be transported instantly to a beautiful area in the local mountains, where the air is brisk and clean smelling, where it would feel good to just breathe.

I do know that reconnecting with the Internal Presence has nothing to do with where you are or what is outside, but what is within.

But something about standing under the sky, feeling the sun or the breeze, smelling the scent of growing things, hearing the sound of nature, or mingling with crowds, all tend to help me come home.

Maybe it is the essence of life that is so apparent, that helps me reconnect with the whole. Well, I guess this is an opportunity for me to stretch.

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October 24, 2003


Today is United Nations Day.
A good day to think about PEACE.

I salute all these brave people who tirelessly work toward world peace. Check out some of the tributes to those who have given their lives in this effort.

Let's all do something.
Anything at all to bring some Love to the world, or in your little corner of it.
Give up on a judgment.
Reexamine your reactions to others.
Smile at a stranger.
Listen with a sympathetic ear to someone in turmoil.
Send good wishes to those who anger you.
Give something to someone who is in need.

Think Peaceably. Act Lovingly. Every little bit helps.

Posted by Judi at 10:57 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 22, 2003


Look into these great ways to help people.
Even a small donation can do much

1. Heifer International.
This organization helps people all around the world to become self reliant. You can help buy people animals that will bring income to families and villages. Give cows to honeybees. Or, buy a share by joining with others. They have a wonderful print newsletter.

2 Unicef.
We have very small amount charged to us every month. It adds up.

3. Care.
You know who they are!

4. Doctors without Borders.
These people are fearless!

5. Your local Public Radio Stations or TV Channels. We have several. Found this one on direct TV (Channel 375). It has some facinating programing about third world countries. It's coverage is not as even handed as that of public channels in the Los Angeles Area. But, interesting never-the-less.

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October 20, 2003

Anything you want?

We've lived in this house since 1972. Mike was 5, and Matt had just turned 3 when we moved in. We thought we would live here two or three years and move on. We are still here.

After all those years, we have accumulated lots of 'stuff'. Way more than we could ever need or use! Lately, I have been trying to clean it out, and get rid of a lot these belongings that just take up space. The problem with owning things is that after a while, these possessions begin to own you.

So if there is anything you want. Let me know. PLEASE! We have too much. Someone out there must want and need some of it. I'll send it to you.

Today, I worked on my office. Paper! There are still piles of it, even though I threw out bags. It scares me that I will never get though it all.

I need help!

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October 14, 2003


"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear."

-Zen Wisdom

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October 13, 2003

Just a Reminder!

Trust Yourself!

Be Yourself!

You Are Something Wonderful!

Have Fun!

Posted by Judi at 6:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack


I can't believe that it's been a week since I last posted!

Of course by now, you all know that we have a new Governor-Elect.
Most of us are just tired of hearing about the whole thing. We were weary of all the hype long before we voted. The people have spoken, and we will see what our decision will bring.

Obviously, I voted No on the Recall, but did not vote for the leading Democratic Candidate. This time I voted with my heart, and voted for the Green Candidate, Peter Comejo. I was somewhat afraid that those of us who chose an alternative to Bustamante would end up as spoilers, like those who voted for Nader in the Presidential race.

I must tell you that I felt relieved to find out that even if I had voted differently, the results of the election would not have changed. I was mad at the Nader voters. I felt too much was at stake to take a chance at that election. And, I like and admire Al Gore, even if he couldn’t get his message across.

Of course, I wasn't bothered by desire to vote for Ralph Nader! Something about him bothers me. I heard a comedian describe him once. The Comic likened Ralph to the grouchy, complaining old man who is always yelling “Keep your ball off my lawn!” The image stuck.

Not to say that I he isn’t right about a lot of things. But, we do need to have leaders who have positive attitudes and an ability to stir the hearts and minds of citizens to do what needs to be done.

Well enough about this.

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October 7, 2003

The Election is Over. Still Waiting.

The polls in California are now closed.
But, so far we only have projections of the result of our election.

I hope this thing will come to a quick conclusion.
Our focus has been on this circus, and it is time to pay attention to what is really important.

That is who we are. And what we become.
We are all part of the Whole, and what each of us do is significant.
So let us do our best to become instruments of love.

Posted by Judi at 8:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack



Pete and I went to the polls together today. It was crowded, but everything moved rapidly. There was a steady stream of voters. At least in our neighborhood, it looked like people were taking their right to vote seriously.

We voted where we usually do, at our local High School. School was still in session, and I was pretty sure that all the people driving up were coming to vote.

We still have the old punch card method. I was glad. I have been nursing some fears about the new computerized method. Since I have been using the computer, I am very aware that it doesn’t take much for things to go wrong. You know, the “human error” thing. All one has to do is enter something incorrectly and everything can get messed up. Not to mention, programming errors, computer hacks and those nasty viruses that continue to plague us. It seems to me that almost anyone with access, and some up-to-date technology and knowledge, could high-jack our elections, when voting is completely done by computer.

I suspect my kids will accuse me of trying to live in the dark ages on this issue, as they are both pretty comfortable with a computerized world. But, punch card voting is simple, easy, and not hard to check. For years after I finished voting, I have double checked to make sure that I punched the right hole, even when there are many issues on the ballot. I then turned the ballot over to make sure that the hole was punched through, and there were no hanging chads.

Doing this only takes a few moments, and is worth it. After all, our right to vote is precious and we are not doing it that often.

I just have a feeling that if we thought we had problems with the old way, the new method will prove to be a nightmare. But then, I wonder who would notice or care, until we lose our freedom to vote.

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October 6, 2003


Tomorrow is the California Recall Special Election.

Vote No on the Recall!

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October 5, 2003


We saw the movie Luther this afternoon. We liked it.

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Read This.

Either Mike or Matt pointed out this same concept on his blog recently, but I think this is the first time I saw this…. Amazing!

The phaomnnehil pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch a Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthita porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Smiply amzanig huh?

Quote of the Day.

"One often contradicts an opinion when what is uncongenial is really the tone in which it was conveyed."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

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October 4, 2003


My husband has strong feelings about telemarketers. And, usually tells them so when they call. This morning, he showed me a column by Dave Barry which appeared today in our local paper, the Daily Breeze.

I don't like much like the the calls either. Because of this, signed the Do Not Call Registry. Now, of course, the telemarketers see their livelihood threatened, so they are fighting back.

I can understand this, and know that people will lose jobs if this law to protect our privacy goes into effect. I can sympathize with those people, especially those who are making minimum wage, or being paid only commission, by making these unwelcome calls. I know that these folks are just doing what they can to earn a living.

I try really hard not to be rude to the callers as I tell them we are not interested, and ask them to “ please take our name off of their phone list"!

But once in a while I get exasperated.

Last week, while talking to a friend, I was interrupted SIX times by call waiting. That day I had left messages at four different places and was awaiting the return calls. Every one of the calls first five calls I received during our short conversation was a telemarketer.

On the sixth interruption, I clicked away and heard “Hi, How are you doing?” by a voice I didn’t immediately recognize. I rudely said: “I am not interested!” Don’t call back!”

Later that day, I noticed that there was a message waiting. I checked it. It was a Spiritual Brother telling me that it was he who called. I was embarrassed, and called to apologize and try to explain.

That night at Meditation, it was shared that someone else had a similar experience. But, one much more serious.

So, as much as I hope this law goes into effect, I want to be careful in the future.

You never know when you might be taken unaware by angels.

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Sending Love...

Happy 50th Birthday Trudy, wherever you are.

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