January 31, 2015


Here at the IMD Guest House, many of the women who are staying here have formed a close bond. Patient or Caretaker may make use of the community room provided here. And through casual contact there or and one of the many events provided by volunteers, many of us who have been here a while have gotten to know each other rather well and intimately.

It's amazing how women can bond so quickly and under challenging experiences. Whether the women are the ones getting treatment or the caretaker of a loved one, we know we need each other. It takes a village.

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January 25, 2015

Who said this?

"She always strove to make allowances for human frailty and realized that mankind will always be full of imperfections."

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January 24, 2015


I wish I could breathe and stop coughing.
I'm tired and feeling sad at the moment.

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Grateful but sad.

Life is full of ups and downs.
I'm tying to hold on to the roller coaster,
but my fingers are getting raw.

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January 2, 2015

I want someone to be silly with

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Alone alone alone

Out of sight, out of mind.
My own sons don't even care to call me.
Their lives are busy and I guess I'm no fun.

They'll call their father
but I guess I'm more of a problem.
Maybe the situation is just to fraught for them to face,
too scary, too inclined to make them feel they aught to be more involved.

They have their own lives,
their own concerns and their own worries.
Their kids are still young.
They have their work and their own responsibilities,

But one day, I fear they too will have regrets.
if they don't take the time before its too late.
Not that i want that for them,

I have enough of my own regrets,
so I know what it is like to carry guilt
and it's no easy burden.

I don't want this for them!
I want them to be free
because forgiving yourself
is a hard and ardous process.
I know!

I'm afraid that one day they'll wake up and realize
that the mother who carried them within her body,
and struggled as women do to give them birth
and put them first all their formimg years
to give them what she didnt have,
a stay at home mom.

to be there to dry the tears,
to wash the cuts and kiss the wounds,
and bind the spot with bandages and love,

would become half of herself,
her body and mind would fail
and eventually go back to dust.
and all would be unfinished.

Her final duty as a mother
to give her beautiful sons freedom
would have failed.

God, give me the chance to finish this job.
I know what it's like to live with guilt.
I don't want this for them.

If I can't do it now,
let me work from Spirit at sometime,
not just for them, but for myself
so I don't have to carry the burden of my own regret
with me into the next life.

Guilt is a terrible burden to carry, I know...
But maybe it's a necessary emotion
so that we may grow and evolve.

But, i don't want this for my precious boys,
however maybe this, too, is necessary.

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January 1, 2015

Lonely. I'm Lonely.

It's New Years Day and I'm feeling sad.
I'm displaced, tired and sore from inactivity.
I want my own bed, my private space.
I want to walk outside in the sun
I miss looking out the window and seeing green.
I miss the moon.
I miss color.
I miss Direct TV
And my washing machine.
I miss my car and being able to shop.
I want to get this body moving.

I want someone to talk to me and to let me know i matter.
I want to be able to help someone else.
I am tired of being a beggar.
I am tired of disapproval, of silence.
I would like to disappear for a while into my own quiet space.

I would like to go to bed without disturbing,
I would like the light on
And settle down in my own way.
I'd like to like myself again.

Look at all the "I"s written here,
But I guess that's OK
since its just for me to read.
It's been a long lone while

I miss what i may never have again and maybe never did.
I've been blessed in life, and i guess still am,
but right now, i am missing my usual old life.'

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