January 2, 2015

Alone alone alone

Out of sight, out of mind.
My own sons don't even care to call me.
Their lives are busy and I guess I'm no fun.

They'll call their father
but I guess I'm more of a problem.
Maybe the situation is just to fraught for them to face,
too scary, too inclined to make them feel they aught to be more involved.

They have their own lives,
their own concerns and their own worries.
Their kids are still young.
They have their work and their own responsibilities,

But one day, I fear they too will have regrets.
if they don't take the time before its too late.
Not that i want that for them,

I have enough of my own regrets,
so I know what it is like to carry guilt
and it's no easy burden.

I don't want this for them!
I want them to be free
because forgiving yourself
is a hard and ardous process.
I know!

I'm afraid that one day they'll wake up and realize
that the mother who carried them within her body,
and struggled as women do to give them birth
and put them first all their formimg years
to give them what she didnt have,
a stay at home mom.

to be there to dry the tears,
to wash the cuts and kiss the wounds,
and bind the spot with bandages and love,

would become half of herself,
her body and mind would fail
and eventually go back to dust.
and all would be unfinished.

Her final duty as a mother
to give her beautiful sons freedom
would have failed.

God, give me the chance to finish this job.
I know what it's like to live with guilt.
I don't want this for them.

If I can't do it now,
let me work from Spirit at sometime,
not just for them, but for myself
so I don't have to carry the burden of my own regret
with me into the next life.

Guilt is a terrible burden to carry, I know...
But maybe it's a necessary emotion
so that we may grow and evolve.

But, i don't want this for my precious boys,
however maybe this, too, is necessary.

Posted by Judi at January 2, 2015 12:33 AM | TrackBack
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