September 24, 2012

Is My Computer Dying?

“You can rage against the dying of the light, but the sun will go down.”
~Michael Pusateri

If you know me, you know that I get attached to things.
…Especially my wonderful devices.
i was given my beautiful White MacBook
when I was almost completely incapacitated by back issues.

But like many things, I did not keep up,
and didn’t update the operating system on a regular basis,
with some misconstrued idea that in doing so,
I would loose something.

It continued to run on the Tiger operating system.
Big Mistake!!!

Now even though my White MacBook, theoretically,
could be updated to Snow Leopard,
apparently this won’t be easy,
if it can be done at all.

Mike says I should consider giving up this computer.
This makes me sad.

Though we've been taught that Attachment
impedes one’s spiritual growth,
I’m attached!
And, I’ve had to release a lot lately.

Some of the letting go has been easy.
Other things that are not so important,
like my giving up my beautiful little White MacBook,
makes me want to cry.

Lesson from my sad little story:

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September 21, 2012

Three neat "M" words


Have you noticed that you can go from one spot to another that is very close to one the other and notice that one is very much warmer than another? I was mentioning to my husband how the outdoors Rolling Hills shopping center always feels warmer than others that are within a mile apart. Pete said something about "Microclimes." I wasn't sure if I'd ever heard this word before. Maybe I had, but had simply forgotten. ...Can't find a dictionary that lists this word, instead showing only the word, "Microclimate". But I believe my husband that it is a word. Whatever it is, microclime should be, because it is a very neat word!


Another word i don't remember hearing, but I know that I believe in it. My son, Mike often expresses this viewpoint when I relay some of my worries about things that go wrong, especially in our country and around the world. No matter how we seem to remember things with our mental rosy colored glasses on, when you consider the totality, things are progressing forward. Just try to remember the stuff that wasn't so great, and stuff that was simply evil in the past. Those things also existed in the "way it used to be."


Difficult or impossible to understand, explain, or identify.
(of a location) Having an atmosphere of strangeness or secrecy.
occult - mystic - enigmatic - uncanny - secret

Now, there are many mysterious things in life, many things that seem to have no explanation. Nevertheless, I don't ever think, though, that there is no explanation for any of these events or anything that exists in creation. I just think that we may just not understand the reasons, or can, at this time, understand what is with our human mind. But within the heart there is a "knowing" that exists whether we are conscious of it or not.

And isn't wonderful that life is filled with mystery, something to wonder about? Isn't it wonderful that there are such things as "Microclimes"? And that some of us, who in the deepest part of ourselves, believe that even with all dips and valleys that we see, there tends to be an overall movement upward. A movement toward togetherness.

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September 9, 2012



If you are going to do something for someone else,
do it with love and a willing heart.

If one does a good deed grudgingly,
it causes pain.

Be grateful to anyone who allows you to give,
that person is giving you a great gift.

Bow your heart in humility
to those who allow you to give,
for in giving you receive.

The more you love,
the more you give,
the happier you’ll be.

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I want you to feel my love.

How can I make you feel my love?
How can I show you that I'm doing this for us?
We should be each other's soft place to fall
when the world pushes us down,
but instead we are piling it on.

Do I have to deny myself to make you feel loved?
I don't want to hurt you anymore.
But I can't let all this go on as it has been.
It breaks my heart to let it all go,
but I don't know what else to do.

It's your turn to look at yourself now.
And see how you must change.
I can no longer turn myself inside out
to get along with you.

I hope we haven't reached an impasse,
where neither of us will give.
Standing in our righteousness.
Neither bending nor bowing to the other.

My love, I want to make it work.
But we need to take a new path.
This one has reached a dead end.

My feeling is that you are glad
that my stay will no longer be covered
and I'll be forced to come back to you
because there will be no other place for me to go,
but do you really want me like that?

Do you want me cowed and broken?
I don't want that for you.

I want to see you joyous and grateful.
I want to see you really happy.
Finding joy in every moment,
with every sight and sound.

I want to see you dancing in the light,
finding love around every corner.
I want to meet you heart to heart,
not struggling with who has the most power.

I'm afraid you'll find offense in these words,
but my wish is that you could, instead,
see my love.

I want more for us than what is and has been.
I want us to meet every day in love and understanding,
to be each other's refuge.

My love, I want you to be able to feel my love,
I want to get past my anger.
But I need more from you
than you've been willing to give.

I need a 'yes, thank you' now and then,
and a sincere apology once in a while,
but if you never think you are wrong
or even need to consider what I've said,
it may never happen.
And I don't know if I can tolerate that.

And, yet, I know we both
want to be acknowledged,
and want to feel loved by one another.
How do we get there from here?

I think we could start by sharing our gratitude every night.
I think we could get there by discussing how
we would like to live our values.

I think that this
will take work and effort
and a unity of spirit.

But if you don't really get it
and are unwilling to go any further,
I'm not sure I can do it alone.

You are hurt and I am hurt
and that is no way to live.
I love you, Pete, and this breaks my heart.

Please, darling,
hear what I am trying to say.
Please let us have a new tomorrow.

Note to self. Can be sung to "Adele's song;
"Make you feel my love."

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Another word about Shakespeare.

When I first started watching Shakespearian plays on television, they were usually BBC productions being broadcast on PBS. It took me a while to tune my ear to the cadence and the meter. Then one day, it occurred to me that the process might go faster if I took out a copy of the play and read along for a while. Within a few minutes, I could put the book down, follow along and then just get lost in the story.

Now, I no longer need to do any of that. There is only one adatation of a Shakespearian play I didn't like and wouldn't watch again.

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September 8, 2012


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