May 31, 2003


When I started writing in this space, I had no idea what thoughts would be expressed. I imagined that I might write some witty little vignettes about chance encounters, maybe some whimsical observations. I thought I might share some "quotes" that I've collected, and certainly little factoids that have caught my attention.

But as this thing progresses, I find that there is something propelling me to share more of what I have rarely shared, exposing thoughts and feelings only entrusted to a few, or to no one at all.

All my life I have wanted to write, but rarely had the confidence to reveal what I had written, for fear of judgment. More generally, I have used pen and paper as a method to expel feelings of anger, hurt or sadness. After a while, I usually destroyed what was penned for fear that a loved one would discover that I harbored such awful and needy thoughts.

Not that people don't know my moods. I am pretty vocal and my feelings are usually plain to see, even when I try to hide them.

I have come to a place in my life where I feel more courageous, more fearless. Not so afraid of judgment, and I hope, more accepting of what is.

I do harbor some fear that I will embarrass my children, make someone cringe while reading what I write, or expose myself to ridicule. Either of the guys could get so uncomfortable, that they could yank this site, and I would have no idea how to recreate it. I am still struggling to learn basic computer techniques, like shortcuts for "cut" and 'paste".

However, for the time being, something within me wants to yell:
Here I am, warts and all! Deal with it!

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