May 31, 2006


I have been in a mood. A very non productive mood. It was if someone had hit a stop button and just turned me off. As though my brain and spirit had just turned into mush.

The only thing I can point to that is some dental work I had done a few weeks ago, which even after two follow up trips to the dentist, has not resolved. It feels as though the new crown and filling are just too big, resulting in a constant feeling of pressure. A low ache that does not go away.

I'm not sure if this can explain my general lack of vigor and purpose ... or if something else is stirring.... or what brings about this general angst for which I feel guilty, when I have been given so much.

I know I am worried about my country, and about the freedoms that we have relinquished in order to feel safe. I, for one, do not feel safer. I am worried about what we are doing around the world ... And, I feel powerless to do anything about it.

So on a beautiful day in Southern California, I am trying to get out of this mood and trying to remember the feeling of connection ... the awareness of the Divine in every moment ... as if there was a physical umbilical cord which nourished my soul.

I remember when I saw the myriad manifestation of God in everything. In the face of every person I passed and in every evidence of life. In the green of the smallest plant and the wonder of tall trees as they reached for the sun.

I could hear the voice of the One in the squeals of children at play, the faint sound of the breeze as it danced through leaves, and even in the start of an engine on the next street. All of these sounds comforted me.

I loved to imagine the far reaching universe and look at the luminance of the planets and stars, in which I felt the essence of Power which filled the seeming emptiness of the space in between.

I remember while accomplishing a mundane task, being in the moment, and lost in bliss. But now I just feel lost and disconnected ... and have no patience with myself as I move through this experience.

Well, maybe if I am brave enough to put it out there and actually publish these words, I can get moving again. And maybe if I give voice to some of my dark thoughts I will find a direction.

Then maybe, once again, I will sit, grounded. One with the universe.

Posted by Judi at May 31, 2006 12:39 PM | TrackBack
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