June 6, 2004


Last night I had several disturbing dreams. I don't know if they mean something or are just a result of not feeling very well these days. It seemed like Pete was restless last night too. I woke often to his tossing and turning.

My thoughts keep returning to the dreams, so I can't help but wonder if something is trying to reveal itself.

Here is a synopsis:

Dream One

I am staying with people in Hawaii. The hostess is irritable and hot. She is vacuuming. I offer to help, but my offer is rejected. I think I should be doing something to lighten her load, but can't think what to do. I realize that I am not offering with an open heart, as the darkness of the situation seems overwhelming. I just want out of there.

I look over to the adjoining room and there is a little boy sitting on the floor. He looks to be about two. He is sick and covered with some kind of green slime. This is the nephew or grandson of the hostess. The child is sitting there crying, but the hostess continues with her cleaning. I don't go over to pick him up, clean or care for him. I leave that to the hostess, even though we talk a bit about his condition.

When I awake, I am bothered by my lack of involvement. I try to reassure myself that this is not how I would react in real life, but part of me feels this is a reflection some true inner selfishness. Some kind of fear.

Dream Two

I think I am in Hawaii again, this time staying at a hotel. It is considered a good establishment. I am holding a large manila envelope addressed to me. I am aware there is more mail waiting in a locked numbered box over to the side. There are many boxes. I don't know which one is mine.

Right in front of me is some kind of scanner which will read my envelope and let me know which box is mine. I watch a maid pass an envelope through the scanner and go to a box to retrieve the mail for another guest.

I try to scan my envelope, and I think I see the number 714 or 814. I am not sure which, but I can't seem to scan the envelope a second time. I walk to the desk to ask for help. There are several employees of the hotel on duty, with few guests waiting. I go up to one of the employees and ask for help. She seems to have an attitude and barely looks at me. I get no help. I ask another and get the same result. Other employees look up, briefly catching my eye, but instead of offering to help, return to whatever they are doing.

I ask to see the manager, and get sent on a wild goose chase, never accomplishing the goal to get my mail. I start to complain, but it does no good. I've spent a lot of time on this and feel frustrated. I wake up wondering why I would get mail somewhere else during a relatively short visit.

Both dreams left me feeling awful. Using the old method of rewriting the dreams in a wakeful state to change the outcome has not diffused the disquiet.

Some people believe that all of our dreams have meaning. Others seem to think that they are random firing of the synapses of the brain. I have always believed that the first idea is more often true. ...That we can often learn something from our dreams.

In thinking about these phantasms, the only ideas I can come up with are pretty dark. I don't know why they persist in my memory. I wonder what I have to learn. Maybe getting them out there will diffuse some of the unease.

Posted by Judi at June 6, 2004 12:28 PM | TrackBack

WOW! That's pretty interesting. They both seem to be somewhat about ineffectiveness. Whether offering help or asking for it.

Maybe something you have left unfinished or given up on prematurely?

Either way, hope you have been sleeping better since. :-)

Posted by: gesikah at June 8, 2004 5:10 AM

Thanks for the comment. I think you might be right. If fact, i think you hit the nail on the head.

Just the act of getting it out there helped. I have been sleeping better.

Posted by: Judi at June 8, 2004 6:08 PM
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