January 22, 2014


Something about the date today seemed special, but i couldn't quite put my finger on it, and couldn't pin it down. Then, just now, it hit me. Janurary 21st was my parents anniversary.

How is it that i didn't remember, as I'd remembered their birthdays and the dates they had passed on. Maybe that was natural after all of these years without them. Nonetheless, the little naging thought kept after my conciousness till it clicked..

My mother once told me that on their wedding night, they were treated to a shivoree. She certainly wasn't laughing, and still wasn't happy about it even after all the years later, when she told me about it. Most likely a quite unpleasant experience. She never told me exactly who all was involved and who it was that concocted and carried out this "joke" on the newly wedded couple. Now it is too late for me to ask for the details. But, boy, do i wish that I had.

My Mother and Father were married at ages 26 and 35 respectively. Both are gone now, but in a way, they are still very alive to me. In fact, the older i get, the more I remember. I remember their quirks and unique qualities and feel gratitude. I have long since forgiven them for any mistakes they had made. At least i think I have. i've forgiven my Mother and I hope whereever she is, that she forgives me. Now I look at them with new and wiser eyes. I have regrets about times i was just not aware. And didn't understand. And failed to be "there" for my Mom.

I know that many people my age, and older, often dwell on these things. After a certain age, there tends to be more reflection --- and when thinking about the past, most of us don an invisable pair of "Rosy Colored Glasses".

I guess that's natural too. I guess all we can do about it is to try a little harder to react with loving kindness to the people still in our lives now as time marches on. But there's the rub.... Not as easy as it sounds. Still not so easy to do. Most of us are still doing battle with the little "i"; our rascally and strong ego self. There's more to go. There's many more ways we've still must evolve. We must keep working at it.

Behaving with Loving Kindness and not taking things personally is the goal. That should be our highest intention. Yet, even with remembrance of our past reactions, and our regrets, we still fail much of the time.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. Thanks for reminding me about what's important. I have to remember my highest intention tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. And, God willing i'll have another chance.

I can hear my grandmother saying; "From your lips to God's ears!" She is also very alive in my heart.

Posted by Judi at 1:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 20, 2014


What concept do you think of when you hear the word "chaos"?

I always thought of chaos as a red churning mass,
Chaos is Moving. Active.
An undefined comglomerate of stuff.

It's Messy, disordered, undefined,
implying a confused rolling state of vibrantcy.

But, I have just learned that "chaos" could mean almost the opposite.
It could imply an Emptiness,
a vast area of still Nothingness.

While I think of chaos as a state of movement;
it also could it be that the nature of all that exists.

But could it really mean nothingness?
Can it be both?

Maybe "chaos" is simply a word
to describe that state of being that is indescribable.
It is no thing

What is "No Thing"?
Is that just another word for God?
A state of being that is undefinable,
a primordial existence?

In my view, it must be that everything, always,
at some point, collapses back into nothingness;
into the great void.

And then, after a long while, the churning begins again.
This vibrant fertile mass of immense power and vibration,
moves toward rebirth, and renewal.

And then, there is creation again.

Which after a a long while,
will return to the stillness.
Quiet. Unmoving. Empty.

Then, of course,
The light and fire starts exploding once again into mass and life.

That, i believe is the nature of things.
Again,and again, and again,
we will see NO THING.

The Unchaging Changer.

Posted by Judi at 1:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack