The dream seems so present and I don’t know how to wake up.
On one level, knowing it is unreal, I spend my days caught up in this shadowy world.
My heart is shrinking. I am getting smaller. Living in a little mind. Living a little life. How do I move from here?
That part of myself that beats up on myself is yelling; “So self centered!” “Just think about those who have so much less, who have nothing.” “What’s wrong with you?” “You’re so self absorbed!” “Be Grateful, selfish one!”
I am trying to be flexible. But I know that I am being manipulated; handled; praised like a little child; every time I agree to a decision I don’t want to make. Why should I try to please my handlers?